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SOME MORE FUNNY THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME DURING MY LIFE.
Here are some more stories that happened when travelling in dad’s Buick. On one of our Sunday picnics trips as we were driving along with dad, mum and Aunt Ivy in the front. Uncle Bill, Kevin, Joy and some times Uncle Eric, (Pixie, to everyone except Aunt Ivy and Joy). There also could be cousin Rae and two of our pet dogs, Rastus and Pluto. Anyway this day we were travelling along and it must have been sometime near the end of January as school was to start and mum had bought Kevin and I new, straw, Bang-Bang, hats to wear to school. They were something like you would see in the movies that Dr. Livingstone would be wearing in the Jungles of Africa. Dad must have been driving a bit faster than usual as my hat blew off and Joy said, “You had better tell your father to stop.” I didn't say a word, as I knew I would get a blast for not holding onto it and so I just sat there and kept quiet. We got further and further up along the road. I think Joy told dad to stop. He eventually did give me a talking down and I am sure I would have received a blast of words that I can’t print. Then to end off he said, “The silly bugger can walk all the way back and get it as I am not going to turn around and drive back.” So I had to walk over half a mile back to get my hat. I think it took about ten minutes to go and get the hat and return back to the Buick.
Another time we were driving along and dad went over a bump and poor old Rastus fell off the back and before he hit the ground his feet were running so he could catch up with us. Of course dad stopped straight away to pick up Rastus.
One time I had to go to two cremations on the same day. There were three on that day. One at 9 am one at 10 am and one at 11 am. Of course I had to attend the 9 am and the 11 am ones. I wasn't going to go all the way home and then go all the way back again. So I sat on a seat outside while the 10 am service was being held. Someone came up to me and said, "There are some seats at the back" and I had to tell them I was early and waiting for the next one. Another time when I first joined the Masonic Lodge there was a cremation notice in the paper and I knew the name of that person so I went and was standing along the wall as the chapel was full. When lo and behold the person I thought had died walked in. He came and stood alongside of me and he said, "I have the same name so I thought I had better come just to show it's not me in the coffin." I didn't have the heart to tell him I thought I was attending his cremation. So I don't know, who the poor old sole was in the coffin.
My friend, Alan used to have Tropical and Exotic fish in glass tanks. One Saturday morning he asked me if I would like to go with him over to North Rockhampton to the Fish Lady in Salamanca Street so he could buy some more fish. I said OK and we drove over there. As Alan and the lady were walking from tank to tank and Alan was choosing what fish he wanted and she would scoop it out and put it into a plastic bag with water in. She stopped and asked me what sort of fish I liked to which I replied, “On a plate with chips.” Which was true, as I can’t think of anything worse than keeping fish as a pet. After that Alan wouldn't take me on any more of his expeditions to the Fish Lady.
When I was about 5 years old mum was in Tenancy Hospital in Victoria Parade having my late brother, Kevin. I had to stay around in Alma Lane with Granny Cant, Aunt Edie, Fisher and family, my cousins Grace, Gordon and Roy and also Aunt Grace. Aunt Grace was a Sunday School Teacher at the Archer Street Methodist Church. So on Sunday afternoons Aunt Grace would take Grace, Gordon and Roy to Sunday School. As most Sundays dad would take us for picnics to Mt. Usher, Delma Scrub or to Alligator Creek so I never went to Sunday School. So this was an opportunity for Aunt Grace to Christianise her heathen nephew. I was told I was to go to Sunday School with my cousins. As I hated ordinary school I protested. Aunt Grace tried to persuade me to change my mind. She told me they read bible stories and played games and they even had a sand tray. Well that was my salvation I thought. As some times Dad took us fishing down near the mouth of the River. Where we were bitten with Sandflies. So I yelled out, “I CAN’T GO, AS THE BLOODY SANDFLIES WILL BITE ME.” I’m afraid that didn't work as I was dragged off to Sunday School, but wasn't I relieved when I was allowed to relapse back into my heathen ways as Dad’s Sunday picnics began again soon after I got back home. At that time my nose must have been out of joint as with all the relations talking about the coming of the new baby my Mother was going to have and me being 5½ years old I could understand when I overheard the relatives talking new baby that was coming and saying, “The new baby can have Mervyn’s cot and Mervyn’s high chair etc. So when I was told Mum was going to bring home a new brother for me. I said I didn't want one. Then I was told, “It costs a lot of money.” To which my reply was, “Take him back and get your money back.” I was told that couldn't be done so I had then another solution to the problem. I said, “Give him to Uncle Pixie as he will make good crab pot bait.”
Once about two years ago I had my friend, Ray Jorgensen of Maryborough staying with me for a few days helping me how to use my old, Commodore, Amiga Computer. We were sitting at the table in the breakfast room when Ray happened to look out the back door and he saw a snake skin in one of the trees. We tore down trying to see if we could see the snake, but it had shed its skin and we couldn't see it anywhere. Later on Alan came down and we told him about it. A few days later after Ray had returned to his home in Maryborough Alan called to take me shopping. As we were walking down the front steps after, locking up the house, I saw on the third, bottom, step a small, black, snake about 30 cm, (one foot) long. I jumped over the railings and raced under the house and grabbed a long piece of 3 x 2. When I ran back out then it was on the second, bottom, step. (I know it is illegal to kill our wild life unless it is attacking you). Well as far as I was concerned I was under attack so I belted hell of it. Then Alan began to laugh. He had put a plastic, snake on the steps when he had arrived and while I was under the house he had shifted it from the third, bottom, step down to the second, bottom, step. Now he gets great enjoyment out of telling people about me belting hell out of a plastic, snake.
Many years ago when Alan never had his own car and I had just bought my VW Beetle I would pick him up and we would go to the Camera Club meetings and then I would drive him back home again. This night as we drove into Luck Avenue as that was where Alan lived at that time and as I pulled up in front of his home in the headlights we saw a small snake in the middle of the road. Alan raced inside and came out with a large, screw-top, jam jar and we got the snake into the bottle. Then as it wasn't late we decided to drive over to Close Vallis as he was the president of the Rockhampton Field Naturalist Club to see if he could identify the snake and we both were members of that same club. As we were driving over the old Bridge, Alan thought he would play a joke on me so he ran his hand down along my leg and said “The top came off the bottle and the snake has escaped.” Well even though I was driving I took my hand off the steering wheel and tried to jump over into the back seat. Alan had to try and steer the car from the passenger seat. Singing out, “It was only a joke the snake hasn't escaped.” We were lucky we didn't cause an accident, but in those days there weren't many cars about, but it taught Alan a lesson not to play jokes while I was driving.
One day at school we all had to stand up and tell the class what our fathers did. When it became my turn I got up and said, ‘My dad looks after six gins.” (Think of the uproar today with all this political correctness bull.) It was true as he was the Chief Ginner at the Glenmore Cotton Ginnery, which was situated over on the north side of the river just past the Alexandra Railway Bridge across from the old Power House in Glenmore Road. He was in charge of maintaining and operating the Lumus Cotton Gins. Later on I became his assistant.
Another time I do remember getting a hiding when I got home all wet. The same gang as before went down to the River to play and I fell in and had to go home wet, but on the way home I thought of a brilliant idea. I would go to the duck yard and fill the bowl that was in there with water as it was for the ducks to drink. So I sneak up the back yard and go and get the bowl and take it to the tap and fill it with water and tip it over myself and then I went up and told mum I just spilt the duck’s water. I got a hiding as mum said, “You never fill the duck’s water bowl any other time so you must have fallen into the river.” I didn't know my mother was physic.
We got to Alligator Creek and spread out the tarpaulin under a shady tree. Dad lit a fire and boiled the Old Black Billy, (that was long before I had run over it and squashed it). We had morning cuppa and dad and Uncle Bill went down fishing and Aunt Ivy wanted to go to the toilet. We always had a rule the men folk went in one direction behind a tree and the womenfolk went in the opposite direction behind some bushes or down in a gully. Aunt Ivy set off and all of a sudden there was a hell of a scream. Dad and Uncle Bill yelled out “She’s been bitten by a snake.” Cousin Joy was sent off to investigate and she came back and told us Aunt Ivy had squatted down alongside a low bush, where there was a wasp nest close by and you should be able to guess the rest. Yes! She was bitten. Joy then had to tip some of the vinegar out of the jar of salad and go back and dip a hanky in it and dab it on Aunt Ivy’s bum.
That was only a few of the funnies that happened to me during my life time, I have had a wonderful life and thoroughly enjoyed myself to the utmost.